Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
