Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
