got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
