I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
