the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
