I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
