is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
