This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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