im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
