omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
