bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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