Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
