Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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