As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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