grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
