You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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