Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
