it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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