I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
