I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
