I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
