No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
