YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
