thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
