New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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