I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
how drunk are you?
Several
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
