is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
