ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
