i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
