youre lurking in front of me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
