And to think..we used to do everything sober...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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