i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
