I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm always down for nudity.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
