my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
its liver damage thursday
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
