I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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