if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
