Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
