never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
