you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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