Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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