great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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