I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
