Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
