I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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