If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
