At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
