my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
as a side note pls kill me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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