o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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