If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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