Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
