As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
