I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
