party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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