Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
